Category: Humor


GOP Surrenders…

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;(


Pulpwood Predictions

Prayer given by John Brown of Monticello to the East Metro Bulldog Club:

Tonight our Lord we are gathered as members of the Bulldog Nation and we thank you for the blessings of being a Bulldog.

We thank you for fall afternoons between the hedges, we thank you that we are blessed to hear the Redcoats playing “Glory, Glory,” and we give thanks for the chills we get when the trumpet tones the battle hymn. We give thanks for the smell of ribs cooking on the grills of campus tailgates and we gave thanks for the chapel bell ringing after a victory, and are grateful  for the sheer joy of wearing red and black.

We thank you for those moments that we treasure, Tarkenton to Herron, the flea-flicker versus Bama, Appleby to Washington, that kid outa Johnson County running through two men, run Lindsey run, sugar falling from the sky, Butler kicking it a million miles, hobnailed boots  that still hurt in Knoxville and Johnson in the end zone.

Tonight we thank you for Aaron Murray, a fine young man who did not charge us $180,000 to play quarterback.

Tonight we thank you that Mrs. Geathers and Mrs. Jenkins allowed their sons to discover biscuits and pound cake at an early age so that we might have a nose guard for the 3-4 defense.

Tonight we thank you Lord for the potato industry in Idaho so that the boys from Boise will have something to do after they learn they know nothing about football.

Tonight we thank you for the new Nike uniforms. We may not like them but we know they look better than a Gator in a tank top and jean shorts.

Tonight we thank you that as we gathered here that we have been blessed, we have been blessed to live in land that stands for freedom, for those who have given of themselves to defend our freedom. We thank you for the blessings of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and we pray for your blessings to continue on we who are gathered here this evening that may truly understand that it is great to be a Georgia Bulldog.

Amen

What Are Realistic Expectations for Isaiah Crowell?

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A Few Dog Stories: Winston, Champ, Mara, And Russ

Sunday Diversity: Green Living, The Group Of Death, And Southern Dogs

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Burning Down The House…

Marco Rubio to the rescue! Freshman senator saves a falling Nancy Reagan

On Obama’s orders, White House chef to prepare pork chops

American Thinker – By David Paulin

President Obama is no doubt enjoying lots of delicious sea food in Martha’s Vineyard — lobster, scallops, that sort of thing. But when he’s back in Washington, he’ll be chowing down a favorite new meal prepared by the White House chef: gourmet-style Iowa pork chops!

Specifically: “cinnamon brined grilled Iowa pork chops.”

That’s what Obama ordered during his recent visit to Iowa while staying in Davenport at the Hotel Blackhawk. He loved the meaty chops so much that his staff requested the recipe from the hotel’s chief, so that the chops could be added to the official West Wing menu.

Burglar killed breaking into state trooper’s home

FOX16

SHERWOOD, AR – Officers from the Sherwood Police Department are on the scene of a home invasion where a burglar has been shot dead.

Officer Josh Adams tells Fox16 that police responded to Maelstorm Circle where a burglar was shot dead by an off-duty Arkansas State Police Trooper in an attempted home invasion.

Fox16 will bring you more information on this breaking news story as it becomes available.

Torrents of alcohol, kite surfing with naked models and celebrity bed-hopping: The decadent secrets of Branson’s paradise island

😉

Obama’s summer reading list

Politico 44

Saturday’s pool reports revealed that POTUS bought two books for himself: “The Bayou Trilogy,” a collection by Daniel Woodrell, and “Rodin’s Debutante” by Ward Just.

Cue a furious Wikipedia-ing of said titles by the hoi polloi, some knowing nods from the literati and no small amateur psychology from political navel-gazers. “Rodin’s Debutante” features a “Gatsbyesque character living in a mansion outside robber-baron-era Chicago,” according to its description on Amazon.com, and “The Bayou Trilogy” is a trifecta of crime novellas that features a detective called Rene Shade, who takes on “hit men, porn kings, a gang of ex-cons, and the ghosts of his own checkered past,” also according to its Amazon blurb.

And in a John Le Carre-esque twist, it was also revealed Saturday that Obama brought three books with him on vacation: “Cutting for Stone,” a novel by Abraham Verghese; “To the End of the Land,” a novel by David Grossman; and “The Warmth of Other Suns,” which was described as the “epic” story of America’s Great Migration, by Isabel Wilkerson.

Maxine Waters says the Tea Party can go straight to hell

Related Previous Vineyard Posts:

Obama’s Perpetual “No Recovery” Summer: Love Grows Old And Waxes Cold…

Vineyard Summertime Blues: Few Sightings, He’s So Close, Yet He’s So Far…

The Dog Days Of Summer: Stray “Blue” Dogs, A Summer Breeze, And Painting With Your Eyes

Obama Vineyard Blues: The Thrill Is Gone Baby, The Thrill Is Gone Away

;(

2011 Masters Tournament Features Surprise Last Minute Entrant

The American Catholic – By  LarryD

For golf aficionados (of which I am one), the “official” start of the golf season commences today, with the first round of the Masters tournament at Augusta.  One of four Majors (the British Open, the US Open and the PGA Championship being the other three), this herald of Spring features the world’s best golfers at one of America’s premiere golf courses.  Phil Mickelson seeks to defend his title against a field laden with incredible talent and fierce competitors.

Along with an unexpected last-minute contender.

Teeing off at 8:18 AM, with Ben Crenshaw, Brent Snedecker and Kevin Na is none other than…

…President Barack Obama.

In what is undoubtedly the surprise sports story of the decade, President Obama worked out a deal with Chairman Billy Payne to participate in this year’s tourney, despite the fact he is not a professional golfer.

At an impromptu press conference on Wednesday afternoon, Payne explained how the decision came about.

“On Monday, I received a call from the White House – it was the president.  He said he was a big fan of the game, and wanted to come down.  At first I thought he just wanted to attend and watch the tournament; but when he started asking if he could get an exemption and actually play…I figured, what the heck.  With Tiger playing so badly, I was worried about tv ratings.  Having President Obama play will attract a lot of viewers and spark even greater interest.”

With the president joining the field, additional security measures have been added, as well as a few modifications to the rules:

  • Obama gets two mulligans per nine holes
  • He’s permitted to tee off from the forward tees (formerly called the “ladies’ tees”)
  • He gets to use a specially constructed bullet proof golf cart
  • Any putt under a foot from the cup is in the “circle of friendship”, and will be considered a “gimme”.
  • Obama is permitted to carry a “foot wedge” in his bag.
  • Teleprompters will be allowed on the course for the first time in the tournament’s 77 year history.

“Purists might be upset with these concessions,” Payne said at his news conference, “but since he’s given the PGA a waiver on Obamacare, I felt it’s only fair we give him a waiver on some of the rules.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was barraged with questions from the press late Wednesday over this development…

Field abuzz before start

Augusta Chronicle – By David Westin

There’s something in the air at the 75th Masters Tournament, and it’s not the pollen swirling around the pines.

It’s the feeling that something special is about to transpire over the next four days at Augusta National Golf Club.

Defending champion Phil Mickelson heads the largest field in 45 years (99 starters), including a group of Europeans who are desperate to end their Masters drought.

It would be appropriate for a European to win since this is the 50th anniversary of Gary Player’s breakthrough as the first international winner of the Masters.

Maybe one of the older stars, such as 51-year-old Fred Couples, will make a run at the record Jack Nicklaus set in 1986 as the oldest champion at age 46. Couples led after the first round of the 2010 Masters with 66 before finishing sixth.

The spectre of Augusta National and Masters co-founder and lifelong amateur Bobby Jones is even in the air. It was 40 years ago that Jones died. Perhaps one of the six amateurs in the field will make a run at the title.

“You can feel the buzz and excitement,” said U.S. Open champion Graeme McDowell. “There’s good buzz in the locker room and good buzz in the crowd.”

Three-time Masters champion Nick Faldo, who played in 23 Masters, has picked up on what McDowell is feeling.

“Augusta National has an amazing buzz now and it will continue,” Faldo said.

With the mixture of Masters stars like Mickelson and Tiger Woods (winners of six of the past 10 Masters) and Ernie Els, there is no telling who will be slipping on the green jacket Sunday night.

“I think the way the world of golf has gone over the last year or so, there are so many guys that have come through and really shown their form,” Els said.

Indeed, if this week’s winner is an international player it would mean all four major championship titles would be held by non-Americans.

“It’s open,” Hunter Mahan said of the tournament. “For a while there were three guys. Now 20 that have the talent and ability to win.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a dozen guys coming down the stretch on the back nine Sunday,” said Faldo, who will be calling the action along with Jim Nantz for CBS.

Faldo sat down and created a list of 40 possible winners this year, which is more than normal, he said.

Mahan, who is ranked 18th in the world, is included in that number.

“My game is very close to erupting and being good for four days,” said Mahan, who has finished in the top-10 the past two Masters. “I feel like my game is good enough, I’ve played well here in the past. This is one tournament I think where experience counts.”

It all starts at 7:40 this morning with honorary starters Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer

Woods practices quietly; fans fawn over Mickelson

Augusta Chronicle – By Billy Byler

…Mickelson’s first trip around Augusta National this week was a bit more adventurous.

The reigning Masters champion was the first on the course Wednesday when he teed off at 8 a.m. with 1992 Masters winner Fred Couples and Kevin Streelman.

The threesome hit their usual tee shots on the eighth hole but had to pause on their walk up the fairway when a small deer bounded across their path.

According to accounts from patrons and gallery guards, the deer entered the golf course from the right side of the first hole and raced across the first and ninth fairways before meeting up with Mickelson at eight.

The deer darted toward the second and third fairways and eventually ended up near the fifth and sixth holes, where it left the course.

“I’ve been out here 25 years, and I’ve never seen anything like that,” gallery guard Steve Churm said to a group of patrons.

Mickelson, who pushed his tee shot into the pine straw down the left side of the eighth fairway just before the deer encounter, tried to play his errant shot. A large group of patrons, however, still buzzing about the deer sighting, lingered dangerously close to Mickelson’s line of sight and had to be persuaded away with a little humor.

“Seriously, sir, it’s going to hurt if it hits you,” Mickelson said, drawing laughs from the patrons. “Me? I’ll just drop another (ball).”…]

Thursday tee times
Starting time (ET), players
7:40 a.m.: Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus
7:45 a.m.: Jonathan Byrd, Ross Fisher, Sean O’Hair
7:56 a.m.: Sandy Lyle, Alexander Cejka, David Chung
8:07 a.m.: Jerry Kelly, Camilo Villegas, Jeff Overton
8:18 a.m.: Ben Crenshaw, Brandt Snederker, Kevin Na
8:29 a.m.: Mark O’Meara, Anders Hansen, Heath Slocum
8:40 a.m.: Dustin Johnson, Adam Scott, Nick Watney
8:51 a.m.: Vijay Singh, Tim Clark, Aaron Baddeley
9:02 a.m.: Gregory Havret, Carl Pettersson, Ryan Palmer
9:13 a.m.: Martin Laird, Mark Wilson, Bo Van Pelt
9:24 a.m.: Rory McIlroy, Rickie Fowler, Jason Day
9:35 a.m.: Mike Weir, Hiroyuki Fujita, Retief Goosen
9:57 a.m.: Padraig Harrington, Ryo Ishikawa, Bill Haas
10:08 a.m.: Larry Mize, Rory Sabbatini, Jin Jeong
10:19 a.m.: Martin Kaymer, Lee Westwood, Matt Kuchar
10:30 a.m.: Hunter Mahan, Ernie Els, Francesco Molinari
10:41 a.m.: Tiger Woods, Graeme McDowell, Robert Allenby
10:52 a.m.: Arjun Atwal, Sergio Garcia, Robert Karlsson
11:03 a.m.: Charl Schwartzel, Stuart Appleby, Charle Hoffman
11:14 a.m.: Ian Woosnam, D.A. Points, Ben Crane
11:25 a.m.: Craig Stadler, Kevin Streelman, Nathan Smith
11:36 a.m.: Peter Hanson, Kyung-Tae Kim, Ryan Moore
11:47 a.m.: Angel Cabrera, Ian Poulter, David Toms
12:09 p.m.: Trevor Immelman, Lucas Glover, Hideki Matsuyama
12:20 p.m.: Zach Johnson, Y.E. Yang, Miguel Angel Jimenez
12:31 p.m.: Jose Maria Olazabal, Davis Love III, Lion Kim
12:42 p.m.: Tom Watson, Ricky Barnes, Jason Bohn
12:53 p.m.: Fred Couples, Luke Donald, Steve Stricker
1:04 p.m.: Anthony Kim, Henrik Stenson, Steve Marino
1:15 p.m.: Bubba Watson, Paul Casey, Edoardo Molinari
1:26 p.m.: Stewart Cink, Jim Furyk, Yuta Ikeda
1:37 p.m.: Justin Rose, K.J. Choi, Louis Oostuhuizen
1:48 p.m.: Phil Mickelson, Geoff Ogilvy, Peter Uihlein
1:59 p.m.: Jhonattan Vegas, Gary Woodland, Alvaro Quiros

Ranking Masters field, top to bottom

ESPN – By Jason Sobel

According to oddsmakers, three-time Masters champion Phil Mickelson is the favorite at this week’s edition of the event, followed closely by four-time winner Tiger Woods.

Either of them could win it. Then again, so could anyone else.

If we’ve learned anything during the year’s first three-plus months, it’s to expect the unexpected — perhaps even more so than ever before…

Player Analysis Best finish
1. Paul Casey  What do each of the last two Masters champions have in common? They not only hit the ball a long way, but they both hit it extraordinarily high, which is a major advantage at Augusta. Same goes for Casey, who has been knocking on the door at big events for a while and appears finally ready to win one. This might provide his best opportunity of the four majors, too. In six career starts at Augusta, the 33-year-old Brit owns four results of 20th or better. He’s going to win this tournament someday — and that someday might very well be this Sunday. T-6, 2004
2. Phil Mickelson  Doesn’t it seem like just recently that Tiger Woods owned Augusta National and Mickelson was the guy still searching for his first career major title? Well, don’t look now, but with a victory this week, Lefty would tie Woods and Arnold Palmer with four Masters victories, good for second place behind Jack Nicklaus. Does Lefty’s recent win in Houston help or hurt? Well, remember: Even though he won last year after posting just one prior top-10 for the year, his previous win came one week after prevailing at the preceding BellSouth Classic in 2006. Win, 2004 & 2006 & 2010
3. Matt Kuchar  Can somebody please explain why Kuch isn’t mentioned more frequently in discussions of the game’s best players? If nothing else, he is among the most consistent, with 17 top-10 results in 34 starts dating to the beginning of last season. There’s already a comfort level for him at Augusta National, too. As a Georgia Tech sophomore in 1998, he finished T-21. After seven years of failing to reach the field, he returned last year with a T-24 result. T-21, 1998
4. Justin Rose  He’s finished 39th or better in all five career starts at this event, but the truth is, Rose’s record could be even better. He has often negated some very strong play at Augusta by posting a few big numbers. Expect the two-time PGA Tour winner to eliminate those major mistakes this time around while continuing to climb the leaderboard. One of the game’s better ball-strikers, his robust greens in regulation percentage should help those matters. T-5, 2007
5. Francesco Molinari  Known for his ball-striking prowess, Augusta National should be right up Molinari’s alley. In fact, he finished T-30 at this tournament in his debut performance a year ago. With another year of experience playing against elite fields in the world’s biggest events, he should be primed to start seriously contending in major championships. A victory at last year’s HSBC Champions tournament — in which he held off Lee Westwood and lapped the rest of the field — proved he can triumph on a big stage. T-30, 2010
6. Luke Donald  Often considered an underachiever thanks to just two wins in his first nine seasons as a PGA Tour member, Donald turned that around in a hurry by winning this year’s WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship and vaulting to No. 3 in the world. A short-game artist who can make par from anywhere, he excels in events where par is a good score, as evidenced by top-five results in three of the four majors, including a T-3 in his first Masters start six years ago. T-3, 2005
7. Bubba Watson  Big hitter, the Bubba. As we’ve found out, though, that’s not all he is. In fact, no top professional is more creative and alters his swing more often within the course of a round than Watson, who owns two victories in the past 10 months. For those who believe he’s too wild, fidgety, anxious or emotional to seriously contend at a major championship, kindly refer to the 2007 U.S. Open at Oakmont, where he finished T-5. And that was well before he developed into the player he is today. T-20, 2008
8. Nick Watney  Don’t let anyone fool you: Watney might be a solid pick for this week’s tournament, but he’s not a surprise pick. After all, according to some oddsmakers, following Woods and Mickelson, the Doral champion is the favorite in this field. That’s not without reason, of course. In his Masters debut three years ago, he finished T-11. In 2009, he was solo 19th and last year he finished solo seventh. Horses for courses and this horse has been a thoroughbred so far this season. 7, 2010
9. Tiger Woods  Is he the Tiger of old? No. Is he still struggling with both his swing and his short game? Yes. Ponder this question, though: Isn’t Woods in much better shape with his game at this point in the season than he was last year? As you’ll recall, he ended a self-imposed hiatus at this event in 2010, only to finish in a share of fourth place. While his game has looked shaky this season, Woods has often said there are only four times per year that he needs to be at his best. This is the first one of ’em. Win, 1997 & 2001 & 2002 & 2005
10. Stuart Appleby  They can’t all be top-25 players on the leaderboard, so consider this one the first unexpected name this high on the list. That said, Augusta has always been a course that suited Appleby’s game. Though he failed to qualify for last year’s event due to a brief lack of productivity, he has made the cut in six straight, including as the 54-hole leader in 2007, when a final-round 75 dropped him into a share of seventh place. With three top-15 finishes in his last six starts, the Aussie might be ready to contend again.

end – 😉